When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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