He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dick very happy bro
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
