hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
