Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
