and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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