i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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