we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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