Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had to cum in my sink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
