Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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