If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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