woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
