so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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