Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
