I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FUCK WHALES
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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