Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
