There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
