Yo dont text me then not text me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
