Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
