It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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