Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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