he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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