you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
