What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
