I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize