just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
