I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize