i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
