love makes seman taste better
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
