i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize