Do you still have your period?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
