I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
