But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize