Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
