you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
