??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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