im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
