need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
