So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
