White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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