Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
