No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
