Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
