you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
