3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
