birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
