Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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