After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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