I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
