She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
