I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
