You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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