Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm passing your future prison.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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