I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
