Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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