Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
