"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Michael Bay diarrhea
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize