Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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