you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
