why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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