Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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