i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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