bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I want her autograph on my taint
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
