i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
