Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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