I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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