remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
