My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
