get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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