I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
