After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He shit in the fireplace
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
