So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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